Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Self Love

       What in the world does self love look like? How am I to act it out? What do I say or do? How do I carry myself with self love? These are all questions I have asked myself in the past and some in the present. I have learned there are many ways to act out self love. I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine and she stated she didn't even know how or what loving herself looked like. Naturally, I wanted to fill her in on the many different ways, but instead i recalled up what that question felt like. To me at one point those words falling on my ears was much like a fish hook catching an un-pierced ear lobe. 
       Some would say to me, " You just need to learn how to love your self", and I would explode at them verbally. "WTF does that mean!?!?" is what I was saying. So in my experience I began to take apart my insecurities. Not all at once, yet little by little I began to look at my physical behavior to put words to the way I was carrying myself. Why am I insecure about the way I look? Why do I look down when I walk? Why cant I look people in the eyes when I speak to them? Why do I feel jealous of friends and their happiness? I began to wonder when and how, did I pick these negative tapes  up about myself? This is when I began to learn about loving myself. I was willing and no one was shoveling wordy BS down my throat.
       I became very aware of my body language and my fidgety ways or nervous habits.Negative self talk is the negative chatter that only you can hear in your head. Lets say that you, the one reading this right now, has absolutely no negative self talk, but you fidget. As you read this right now your flicking your fingernails or your sitting at the dining room table and your leg is bouncing at 90Mph. This is in a way distracting you from a thought or feeling. Self soothing so to speak. I learned that the best time for me to see my self clearly was when I was in the comforts of home.  I noticed the T.V. was always on or the radio or the ipod. There was always some kind of noise that I intentionally sought after once getting home.
       What did that tell me? This told me that I was not comfortable in the silence, that I did not want to face what my mind had to offer. Our physical behaviors can also be our negative self talk. Not always because some of our fidgeting is what we have learned from a favorite parent or adult from childhood. Another fidgeting behavior I see often is when some one is walking or even standing still and they tug at the bottom of their shirt often. Although it is subtle it is noticeable. That could possibly be that the persons uncomfortable in their own skin or they are self conscious of the extra five pounds they discovered on them that morning.  Maybe a woman A swishes her hair about a lot. Maybe that woman saw woman B, a very beautiful woman do the same thing and subconsciously woman A picked up the behavior . Putting words to it I would say that every time she swishes her hair she feels as beautiful as woman B. Maybe she was insecure about her own beauty and because woman A now swishes her hair like woman B, she feels prettier than she did before swishing her hair.
        The beautiful thing for me was that when I became willing to see myself, I discovered negative tapes about myself I didn't even know were there. Once I discovered these tapes I then became empowered to change them. I saw my fidgeting and asked myself questions like, "what am I really feeling when I want to do this?". Another thing I would do is starve the behavior. For example I was one who would be sitting still and my leg would be bouncing 90Mph. Depending on the situation and if there was time to actually think about it I would stop the behavior and listen to my body. If there wasn't time to focus on the behavior I would simply fight the urge to do it. Either way, I would look at the situation and myself. I would ask myself what am or was I feeling at that moment?
       At first when I stopped the behavior I would tense up else where in my body. For me this was a clear sign that I needed to really pick this apart and find the words to describe what was really going on inside me. I believe that if you successfully starve the behavior and there are no further symptoms popping up in any other part of your body than its probably a learned behavior and not a negative tape with out words. If you manage to make any discoveries about yourself then congratulations! Learning about our habits, the ways we carry ourselves and uncovering any negative tapes is a huge step towards loving yourself.
       Please remove the label of wrong or right when trying this out because its a limiting belief that has been handed down to you by someone who may have had negative tapes themselves. If your sitting there reading this saying,"This is stupid and whats this supposed to get me?"... I would say to you I understand how you feel and you are worthy of giving this a shot. You are worthy of giving yourself a shot! If I want to receive love in an astounding way from another human beings I must be willing to do these things for myself. I am a work in progress. I continue to discover stuff I didn't realize was there. When I make these discoveries sometimes I may feel a bit of humility, then, I remember that each new discovery is empowering. I am loving myself more and more by identifying, embracing and embarking on the empowering journey of self discovery. The more I uncover the more I recover.Its gets easier with time and practice. I love you and good luck.

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