So you have selected a new set of boundaries and standards yet again. Which in reality were already in place before the last relationship and the one before that and the one before that. Then you begin proclaiming to loved ones you are over the last relationship, that you are strong and you are ready to move on. That fantasy resurfaces and all those delightful feelings flood back in. Physically feeling joy, hope, euphoria and love. Again feeling goosebumps and experiencing that rush of blood in our gut we call butterflies. All the glances and winks tossed our way become the next potential Mr. or Mrs. Right. Finally, we have another winner of our heart. Seemingly familiar, but the familiarity is drowned out by the hijacking of the feelings of happily ever after. That fantasy that causes all the physical reactions that are so pleasant to experience. Blindsided and intoxicated by these feelings, we become clouded and our new found standards and boundaries are blurred. In a few short conversations we learn that our standards are too much and boundaries too bold for the potential new winner of our heart. This comes across to us as a flaw in our so called system of beliefs in following our fantasy. Maybe we were unreasonable in setting our boundary's and standards. Before losing out on the possible opportunity of a new relationship, we question our standards and boundaries and in no time at all they disappear, because we determined they were unreasonable. Maybe this is an addiction to the possibilities of a relationship, family, belonging or the gender in itself. How do we determine which?
So congratulations on the new relationship. Intoxicated, blinded and overrun, we give the relationship a go, without remaining true to our selves or holding on to our boundaries and standards. Going against our words, lying to ourselves and devaluing our own life's experiences, we begin another mirage of a union. This seems to be the cycle many of us put ourselves through. When this Mr./Mrs. Right crosses us, devalues us, lies to us or defecates on our blurred standards and boundaries, we are hurt and angry, thus ending the relationship once again. When we walk into a relationship lying to ourselves with maladjusted standards and boundaries, we can only expect to experience this treatment from others. After all, we are the only example the world has of how to treat us and not even we are true to our selves. Where does the addiction lie? Is it in the mistreatment we deliver to our selves? Is it in the guarantee that because we treat ourselves this way we ensure that another will do the same? Is it in the newness of the relationship? Is it in the getting over the hurt and anger? What is it? Is it an addiction to the character of the person? Is it an addiction to the knowing it's not going to be happily ever after? It definitely seems to me to be an addiction of sorts, when it's done over and over and over again with the same result.