Saturday, October 11, 2014

What not to look for in an AA sponsor

    At my first meeting in March 8 2013 I was told to get a sponsor and work the f&*$#@ steps. The way the sponsor thing was explained to me was; find some one who has something you want and ask them to be your sponsor. So fresh off the wagon as a newly sober person I was to know what I wanted and what was best for me. I guess I had a pretty colorful track record of people/places and things I thought were best for me. So sure I can find a suitable sponsor.  I believe it was day three of sobriety when I finally decided to pick a sponsor. That day there were slim pickings.

   Well there was really only one woman who looked like they had what I wanted. She was an anglo woman in her mid 50's, very tall, slender, beautiful and blond. I wished I looked just like that growing up because most of mothers friends were anglo. When  mom was around them she was different. So I asked this woman to be my sponsor. She agreed. I believe we met a couple of times and she instructed me to begin reading the first 164 of the big book. Yah like that was going to happen. I could hardly sit still let alone have the patients or self discipline to read a freaking book on my own.

   So like a good little girl I began reading. I was to call on her when I wanted to drink or when I was bored and since the desire to drink was gone early on I didn't need to call her much. At about 19 days sobriety I was at a noon meeting and there was over 80 years of sobriety sitting in the room. It had been about 2 minutes past noon meeting start time. Not one of these old timers wanted to chair. So I chaired the meeting. I had shared this on my Facebook status. At an evening meeting later that week my sponsor decided to tell me, "You know just because you read how it works doesn't mean you chaired a meeting." I have to admit that upset me. She didn't bother to get clarity on what I think chairing a meeting is. She simply assumed I read How It Works at the start of a meeting. So little by little I began to experience belittling behavior from her.

   During one of our phone calls she eluded to the fact that we will have so much fun in the summer working the steps. Well Its was March an I couldn't figure out why I have to wait till summer to get started? I did'nt like this plan of hers. I did begin to put things together. It turned out she was having a rough time at home at it was effecting all areas of her life. I asked her if things were ok at home and she responded as if it were top secret. Wait a freakin minute you expect me to get personaland honest with you yet you have secrets. How the hell does this work?!

    I got real good and honest with her in a private message on Facebook and told her how she "should" be doing things. Really I acted in bad taste and made an amends not too long after. I began figuring out that what I was to be looking for in a sponsor was not physical or monetary. So after a few incidents and 2 1/2 weeks of having her as a sponsor, I let her off the hook and found a new sponsor. Some one who looked like they were at peace all the time. Now that is some thing I wanted.

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