Tuesday, October 21, 2014

For crying out loud.......

    I sit here staring at this blog thinking to myself about my purpose and questioning what I believe it to be. At this time in life I'm looking for work. A part time that will get the bills paid, a flight here and there to see my daughters in Chicago, cover the car note and take an aerial silks class or two. I thought that I had found a niche, my niche. A something I could do that would help me make money, fulfill my life's purpose and help others find their value. Is this my true purpose? I don't know. What I do know is I want to help others be free from ego and loneliness, as much as I need air to live. My dream job: I intend to help people become aware of themselves, overcome life hurdles, attain an inner peace and value.
       I have seen many changes in my life. Not all of them healthy. I've hurt many and I've hurt myself. I look out the windows and see that we are hustling about life seeking to fulfill something. Running around paying bills, making money and tossing about what ifs. So I sit here watching life pass, by all of us running. Running from what we want. What we want is a relationship with ourselves. We want peace within our selves. So how do we get to this point? What do we do to attain peace? How do we stop comparing ourselves to our neighbor? Who said we had to buy into this life of devoting 8 to 12 hour days to work away from ourselves and family?

       We spend a huge portion of our day pleasing others to make the day's pay. We then run errands on the way home to our children, who have been cooped up inside for 8 to 10 hours at a time. We rush home to administer medication to these children, who after being cooped up all day, must be stuck indoors for several more hours for homework and medication regimens. Medication which they need in order to obey superiors while locked up in doors. We live separate from the very fabric of our dreams. We have bought into this life of deliverance and deception and our children go mad and we catch blame for their rebellious acts. We live enslaved to the necessity of green paper and plastic cards.  We think in terms of have and have nots. And at the end of the day, who are we really?

       How are we to ever know while in this endless maze of life till death? This cycle we have been forced into is the very thing killing our spirits and souls. The soul which we seem to only care for on Sundays when, yet again, we are conditioned to following the herds of the I'm rights and they are wrongs. What do we believe in really? A religion with the most followers or who shouts love the loudest seems to be the winner. Believing that the creator of all things is the punisher of wrong choices. The wiggle room for growth squashed by that of which do as I say and not of what I do shouts at you.
       We can all use a little freedom of spirituality. To think we hang in outer space without a string or step stool and we doubt an ultimate power. Furthermore, some of us believe we are governed by a God who will call his children sinners and punish us in purgatory for all eternity. Small is the one who preaches this hell in an after life, for he is squashed by his own anvil. Inherited anvils containing generations' past ideologies and beliefs. Drop the rock and take a look at you. Can you feel that beating heart? Its God telling you that you are loved? Dare you sit be still and quiet, for if you do you just may begin to feel all of what you have been running from. Your life force spirit screaming at you for peace and serenity.
      Since you say its all been prewritten, let's just burn, starting the moment we were created and begin life in hell. Free will allows us the opportunity to live peacefully should we choose. So stop and show your children it's safe to just be and exist under a tree without the ipad, iphone and computer gaming thingy. We are gods in their eyes and all they want, for crying out loud, is to be just like mommy and daddy. What they see is a model of how to live. Loveless communication seems normal to them, because of what they have seen. Then they as young adults, can't seem to be successful at relationships. When they cry in our arms about their loneliness and their "I cant seem to ever," we wonder how can we help. How can we help when even we are without relationship models? Where do we begin?

       Try starting with you. Do the looking in the mirror at yourself and become familiar with how awkward it feels to look at your reflection. Begin by asking why it is challenging. Ask yourself if that's how your parent(s) view or viewed them selves. Sit still in silence and face the fears of your mind. Wonder about what it is that's got you so uncomfortable in your own skin. After all, it's only your mind and in your head. Beautiful thing is your mind shows you what not to repeat and in fact be certain it's all in the past. It's done and over with, so face it. The truth is that our devices have conditioned us to run in all ways. I will join you on a boat under the moon light. Be forewarned that we will set sail on life above the sea of receptive love. Receiving love is not a like on you forget about visiting me page. Nor is it the number of superficial friends unsupporting you in your daily struggles.

       God works in me through my hands as I caress your face and speak of the pain I see in your eyes. That pain pouring out over your life and those around you. God is in my loving embrace as I lean in to your ear and whisper that I see you when you're in hiding. Be bold and see the beauty of your life struggling to be free. Fight the war of your heart in my arms full of grace and compassion. Know you are not alone. I too war against a room full of touch and go devices covering faces longing to be seen. Yet the only thing we have time to see is this screen.

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